Why I don't mind seeing Christmas decorations in October.

In 2006 I had already been married three whole years. I was only twenty three. My friends were only twenty three. We were so young but like many twenty three year olds we felt much older. Some of us were married. Some of us were finished with college or in grad school. Some had children. Some were traveling the world. We were grown ups. We had life experiences that had aged us. Still, that fall reminded me just how young I really was.

I have written about Kayla once before. It's hard. I don't want to exploit her memory but I don't want to forget. I want the world to think about her. It's hard to believe that five years have passed since she was here everyday.

She told me the very end of July. She sat with Kyle on my couch and asked me how my family was. She listened while I went on about my sister diving into a rock up at the lake that day. Looking back at that night I can't believe how long I rambled on about silly things before I asked her how she was. That's when she told me about the tumor they had found. They were still running tests and didn't know exactly what is was. She was scared. I remember crying with her and hugging. I'm far from a touchy person. The hugging was out of character for me so I remember.

It was brain cancer and the very worst kind. The next few months must have gone by as fast as any four but they exist in my brain as a much longer period. Each time I visited in the hospital there was a line to get in to see her. Seeing the girl who could do anything so drained was... there aren't words. Still, I just assumed she would get better. This was not Kayla's first run in with cancer. When Jared and I were dating she fought a very different form and won. It wasn't until I read an article written about her in a local paper that quoted the survival rate for her type of cancer that I finally got it.

I want to tell you about just one moment. Kayla had moved to Utah to receive better treatment. The weekend before Halloween there was a large fundraiser going on for her in Reno that she couldn't attend. Jared and I went down to visit and distract her. We went window shopping for a wedding dress. We ate lunch downtown at one of her favorite restaurants. We sat under the Christus statue in Temple Square in silence. It was emotional.

As we wandered around downtown we saw men stringing up a giant wreath. I guffawed and said something about how ridiculous is was. How could they start with that still days before November?

“I love it Melanie. I want to see Christmas one more time. I'm glad it's going up now.”

So we stopped and watched them work.

Now every year when I see stores stick Christmas trees up next to Halloween candy displays, I smile. I remember the friend I owe my marriage and my family to. And that's a good feeling.

 

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Best Friend

Jared and I have a very favorite friend and his name is Kyle K. He's brilliant, of course. Working on his PhD in Systems Biology at Harvard brilliant. Was that sentence even close to being grammatically correct? I am not ivy league educated. Sorry Mom.

He's busy most of the year, but every once in a while he shows up and surprises us. Like he did last Tuesday when I was driving to class. He followed me from my house and honked. I checked out the rear view mirror to see exactly who it was that I was going to give an angry fist and saw one of the best people to ever come into my life.

Kyle has not had the easiest go of it. He was happily on his way to being engaged to a intelligent and gorgeous woman, the friend who introduced Jared and I, when she found out she had glioblastoma multiforme. Brain cancer. It was so wrong. She was only twenty three. She had just been accepted into a prestigious grad program at UCLA. She knew her perfect match was close to proposing.

I could fill books about Kayla. Such a big life in a little time. I'm not making her larger than life, she just was. Not perfect, but amazing.

She has a beautiful story. They have a beautiful story. It really isn't my place to share it but please know, it was so hard for both of them.

Kyle had a ring and he proposed. She accepted. They were married for one month and one day. This December it will be five years.

Kyle was not defined by this tragedy. Of course events like these change the person you are and the direction your life is going, but you should see him. He is in a program he never thought he'd be in. He is doing amazing things. He's dating a lucky and brilliant girl. I'm pretty sure our favorite friend, very very favorite, is happy.

I didn't get to have one of the conversations that go into the wee hours of the morning with him that I used to love. When you have five minutes to visit a whole town, including your family, that luxury isn't always afforded.

We did get dinner though. It was wonderful even if Jared and I made him sit in the middle so we had equal access and talked over each other the entire time. It's so easy to have too much to say when you see your best friend.

Life gives so much. I know that. I have a perfect, sleepy one year old cuddled up in my lap right now that proves it. It's such a scary and beautiful world. One I'm so, so happy to share with the people I love.

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