Making the best of it

So what if it snowed twice this weekend? So what if my tomato plants are on the brink of death whispering, begging the sun for mercy? There are benefits to the cold.

Exhibit A. Still don't have to shave my legs. So while all ya'all are sporting razor burn (and glorious, glorious tans), my legs are hidden away in cozy tights still. See?


Exhibit B. Inside camera fun with the hubby. You know you and your significant other have this exact same blurry photo. Don't lie.


Exhibit C. Plenty of time for cozy naps under blankets. Their FAESHES ARE JUSH SHOW SAQUISHY! It was hard to contain myself.



Exhibit D. It feels A OK to stay in your pajamas all day when the sun ain't shining. Just ask Phin. Zane displays a little more restraint.

Sister sister

Sisters are best friends handed to you on a silver platter. I have three of them and they are all awesome. We didn't always get along (don't tell me your sister didn't stick a warning knife in your door after seeing Hook) but we are mature and perfect now.

Renee hasn't hit me in the face with a blow dryer in years so I haven't wacked her with a hammer.

Friday my sister took me out to Sushi. Awesome. Na introduced me to sushi by offering to pay a few years ago. Even though it is incredibly popular here due to every single location only serving all you can eat, I shunned the little rolls of magic for years cause I was a scared little girl. Idiot. What a waste those sushi free years were.

Jared took our picture and told us not to worry about one upping each other because we looked equally glam. Or maybe he said horrible. Lover.




We played dress up while she looked for a dress for her best buds wedding. Super Awesome. Sure we had to shove a five year old out of the way to take these pictures (or maybe that was the store before..), but the people get what the people want. My sister is hardcore with the 4-8 year old crowd.



We saw bridesmaids with our shiny, new Albanian sister Dorina. You guessed it, awesome. Almost peed myself and really got a hankering for baking a giant cookie. That's a good movie.

Long before I had a child I pictured my future little one holding his or her little arms out and calling for Mama. Maybe not as often as I pictured my little one becoming the Mark Zuckerberg of 2030 and taking me on one of those cruises around the world, but I had the vision. I was warned that babes often say Dada first so I did everything in my power to prevent this wrong. If I have to sit in a tiny closet at work twice a day with my back against some sort of heating tank with the insulation shedding fiber glass onto my back and a tower of files threatening to crush my head at any second while I pump, he should say my name first.



Jared was out of town quite a bit last year and I intentionally never used his name. It was more like “Father has abandoned us once again Phin phin, Maaaa ma will never do that. Mama loves you, Mama is the best human to ever, ever live. Mamamamamamamamamamamama.



Mama’s got no game. It was Dada for the win.



But oh my how the tables have turned. Right now I officially have a mama’s boy. I hear mama mama mama every waking moment. My two year old nephew doesn’t get it. When we’re driving home from Vovo’s and Phin is calling for me for the nine BILLIONTH time in three minutes he gets frustrated.



“Phin phin, Mama’s right there!” First it was cute. Then it goes on for the whole thirty minute. Louder and louder.



MAMA MAMA.



PHIN PHIN, SHE’S RIGHT THERE! MAMA’S RIGHT THERE! STOP! SHE’S RIGHT THERE.



MAMA!!!!!!



RIGHT THERE!



At this point people around me are rolling up their windows and giving me death stares. Then I decided it’s a good time to give my handsome hubby a call. I’m driving so it has to be speaker phone. Hehehe.



So yeah. Dream fulfilled.


(A total glamour shot. Mothers, notice the expert turning in of the foot to hold baby in place. These are the hot kinda of pictures I get when Jared gets the camera. Jeal?)

What I have vs. What I want

I'm pissed. Possible snow on the valley floor tonight.

SNOW.

Snow, rhymes with hoe. Ironic since I'm pretty sure hoes dig warmer weather to go about their booty baring hoe business.

I wanted warm weather and flip flops for Memorial day weekend. Not what I got.

I wanted to wear this today and I wanted it to be seasonally appropriate.



Instead I wore this.



So much wrong with that outfit. It's not summery. I can't tan in it. I'm pretty sure I'd just look like a fraud if I tried to serve popsicles at a popsicles party. suck.

As ya'all have heard...

The world didn't end Saturday so it was a pretty rad weekend. Lesco wasn't home, but ya know, you win some you lose some.

We hung out with Uncle Steve and Auntie Kari along with little cuz Simon and some buddies. We ate at the absolute WORST pizza place in Reno, appropriately named Reno Pizza. It was seriously some nasty frozen pie heated up. Except my piece wasn't even that warm. Or pizza-y.

Was the bad pizza a sign of impending doom? Only 6pm would tell.

Ignore the crotch hold on poor Phin. He's such a squirmy babe that I have to lug him around that way all the time.


Kept our eyes open for signs of rapture.





Took my hair down after walk and it looked like this.



Was pretty convinced fire storm was on the way after that mess. Lucky for me, shower+bumble & bumble + blowdryer saved the day and maybe the world. Phinny and I survived and we were happy.

See.



Today was good. My baby sis turned twenty freaking one. Did you hear me say baby sis? Not the one right below me or the one below her. Do you know what that makes me? Seriously old. (And by old I mean still young and glamorous and 'throw my head back and laugh while holding something sparkly and drinkable' but relatively old)

What happened?? Did I mention my sisters are gorgeous? Here's the birthday girl.

I dare you

Go ahead, just try to tell me you've seen something cuter than this.



That's what I thought homie.

Thanks T Swiftie :)

You know how sometimes you find yourself in a bad way? You're stressed, confused, overwhelmed. So you take a deep breath. Then you ask yourself...

What would Taylor do?

Say what girlfriend? You don't turn to my girl Taylor is times of need? Don't worry, it's never too late to turn your life around.

Yesterday, for example, I called on the powers of T. Swift all. day. long.

Woke up late? It's ok, my girl Taylor says throw on some eyeliner and lip gloss and you're good to go.

Baby crying? Can't decide. Would Taylor give the babe a sparkly cupcake or write little Phin a song? No cupcakes on hand and my song skills end at changing the lyrics to Camptown Races so I go with option c, blast 80's pop and do the running man. Babe is satisfied and I'm pretty sure Taylor would approve.

Jared and I get into a tiff on the phone. Should I go for a walk in a long, attractive sweater and and run my fingers through my hair in a super hot but pensive way? Nope, it isn't raining. Instead I show Phin how to burn a picture in the bathtub. Feel better. Call Jared back and we're good.

Still thinking about cupcakes. Phin and I run to the cupcakery. No sparkly one so we settle for sprinkles. Sprinkles, sparkles, same diff, right?

Dog puked on my bed. No sugar left, dang it.

"Stupid doggy, puked on my bed.
Hate her, hate her.
Soon she's gonna wish she was dead.
The little black dog's gonna pay."

Crap. The puke didn't disappear. But now I'm whistling. Whistling makes work go by faster, doncha know? Just ask Snow White. I can totally see my girl Taylor penning a song for Snow White and her crappy life (crappy roommates, MIL issues, married to a doorknob prince so she's probably dreaming about a hot, exciting ex boyfriend that broke her heart) so I feel pretty satisfied as I clean up the puke.

Bedtime. Listen to my girl Taylor and paint my toenails. With glitter.

Thanks sister!

Do you have a Nancy? Hope not.

Does your husband have a second family? Mine does. I think. Well probably not, but he's had every opportunity. Sometimes when he leaves town to dig up arrowheads and pottery and cans and once a dead dude I tell him to have fun with Nancy. Give Jared Jr. aka JJ a shoulder punch from Auntie Mel.

Then I remind him that I'm prettier, Phin is smarter, Nancy is a freaking idiot and JJ is a horrible moniker that's taking that kid nowhere. Except the gas station to sell drugs to other sad little humans in the middle of nowhere.

Kisses to everyone!!

Once he's gone I call my dark and handsome lover (who, sadly, is of average height) to come and feed me grapes and buy me expensive gifts and we laugh about Nancy and her fruit allergy. Ha Nancy, HA HA!

Phin usually locks himself in his room and blares Radiohead for the week. Moody pre-pre-pre pubescent boy.

So yeah, that's what I've been up to. Grape eating. Lots and Lots of grapes.

And PS, don't you wish you were this fly?




Look behind him at Jared pretending to be interested in the game. Look at the pained look on his face as he realizes he is past his prime and has to pass the torch on to his blonder, younger offspring. Bittersweet ladies and fellas, bittersweet.

Things we talk about in the car

Being on the road with my Lesco reminded me that he a serious man with serious concerns. Serious.

He would like to go on record as one of the first to be concerned about mankind's future. Specifically, android/human relationships. He dreads the day when people choose a robot over a person.

Don't laugh, says Lesco. They will be sophisticated robots. Robots that buy exciting and thoughtful birthday gifts, do dishes, brush your dogs teeth.

He's really worried.

Also, he told me that all most important moments in his life happened in Chick-Fil-A.

These things, apparently, don't qualify.

-The day we met
-Engaged
-Married
-Birth of our child
-The day I told him that I am, in fact, an android

He's the best.

So easy to love my life

You know why? Because I have everything I need and more.

This scares me because I have so much to lose. Jared reminds me I have to live just one day at a time.

This is how I feel about snow in May

Do you see that face? Do you see that disheveled hair? Do you see that I'm still wearing one of the slouchy sweaters Jared wishes he could burn in a giant bonfire while running around on the beach in puckish little shorts waving a stick in the air?

I was disappointed when Mothers Day was cold. I ran a little race wearing pants. I didn't want to wear pants. I wanted to wear little spandex underwear and call them running shorts. Actually no. I would have worn pants. It's about having the option. If I want to run like Serena Williams, shocking the public, I should have the weather to back me up.

So all of you writing about sunny skies and tank tops and slurpees, suck it. I can have hot soup. Hot, disgusting soup seasoned by the salt of my tears. Sob.

`

I wish I was a Southern Belle.

Have I mentioned I'm a country convert? It's been two years now. I remember the day I told Jared. I made him sit down. I said I had some hard news to share. He took it ok.

Really. I've always been one of those humans that said "Everything but country" when someone asked me what music I listened too. Mostly it was punk/ska/emo/indie/a little bit of that screaming kind. I had purple hair. Saying that makes me sound a whole lot cooler than I was. I was soo not cool. I dated guys with more piercings than organs. Didn't ya know that dating a guy with three lips rings and two tongue piercings is super hot? All that clicking when they try to talk... rawr!

Since my conversion I've wanted to visit the south. I'm convinced I would be a happy girl down there; the kind that ate grits and hung out with hot guys up on water towers. I probably sound so lame to all of you from that region. I am, but more because I do things like countdowns to my birthday on post it notes ten months out, not because I'm obsessed with southern living.

Last Thursday Jared sent me a little email at work. One with flight information for Saturday morning. I tried to maintain a professional attitude. I tried to only focus on very important, work related things. I failed.

He planned the whole thing. He arranged vacation time with my boss, care for Phinny with my Mom, had family stay at our house to watch my puppy.

I was under the impression that we were going on a two day trip to San Fransisco. That Lesco fooled me again.

I'll totally admit I'm spoiled. 100 percent.

We went on a road trip from Nashville down to Savannah and back. We ended up at a cornbread festival. We had pecan and peach pie from every roadside stand and diner we saw it advertised. We fell in love with dreamy, historic Savannah and beachy Tybee island. We had FIVE nights of sleep, FIVE. For the record, I cried at least once a day over my baby) We marveled at how green it was. (Sorry Cali, you have nothing on the South.)

I accidentally started talking in a Southern accent to people and would pretend I didn't understand their confusion when they asked where I was from. Reno, NV.

I freaked myself out on a Ghost tour and got up close and personal with Brad Paisley at the Grand Ole Opry.

It was so much fun. The best part was just hanging out with Lesco, like the olden days. Olden being 13.5 months ago but let me tell ya, it feels a whole lot longer than that.

I miss my baby.

Sitting in an airport. Wishing I was here. With him. So, so bad.

But this was nice.

I am never ever leaving him again. Ever, ever, ever.