All about those two going at it like zebras. Or donkeys. Or both.

Hear ye, hear ye!

Have you ever wanted to see the love child between a "brawny zebra" and "sassy donkey"? Yeah, me either, but sometimes the universe gives us little gifts we didn't even know we wanted.

Things like Zonkeys. Plus corndogs. Plus reality shows about guys who make duck whistles.

But back to Zonkeys! I was alerted to this by my very informed co-worker and now I can’t, cannot, stop smiling. And the author of this little piece of literary heaven? Read every word. I bet she shook her head the entire time she wrote. Impetuous Romeo indeed. Just goes to show that true lust can’t be stopped. No fence be holding these two back from a good time. Lordy.

NEW PRESS PHOTO / SPLASH NEWS/NEW PRESS PHOTO / SPLASH NEWS

Can I also remind the world that my baby, my teeny, tiny baby, is turning one in a mere week. How can this be? Every cliche is so true. I live in some sort of time warp or matrix or Bill and Ted phone booth over here. He is the sweetest. Don't challenge me on that. I'm weepy.

Also, also, also, it's freaking Friday. Phew.

Summa time!

I don't know why pregnant ladies complain about being knocked up in the summer. It's the best. Let's compare.

Winter - Dark, dark world. Ever expanding derriere on the couch. It's dark. Too cold to eat ice cream. Too freaking big to get a proper hug while you shiver, like I said, in the dark.

Summer - The sun shines on you while you eat watermelon. Did I mention you're eating on the beach? The one you just hiked down to because you are so extremely healthy and fit? Your butt has never looked better.

That's me! I'm summer. Except I almost threw up after the hike down. I didn't have any watermelon and the only reason my butt didn't black out the sun was because my belly had that covered. Someone can alert Scientific America to the real reason behind that recent eclipse.

Astronomy aside, I stand by my statement. Summer is one thousand percent better. Phin agrees. Despite the fact that Grandpa had to save his life today (maybe a slight exaggeration), he keeps saying "Do again. Want to go to beach again. I went underwater." That last part is where Grandpa had to step in. Phin swears it was unnecessary.

I owe you more but some drunk guy in Save Mart convinced Lesco to buy Marie Calendar's mac and cheese with uncured ham and I'm debating whether or not that is an appropriate 10 pm snack. Plus we just started Merlin on Netflix and it's not too shabby.

Brain dead and tired.

Anyone else over summer by the time September rolls around? Anyone else over me whining about summer? Please humans, I beg you to share your "get through the last effing hot days of summer" tips.

I'm drinking lots of this and pretending the sugar doesn't count.



And eating on restaurant patios a million more times because that never gets old.

I just remembered, I love summer.

Fall can stay away for a while. We hung out in the front yard tonight as a family and I realized how perfect this season is. Eight in the evening and the sun is just setting. My flower beds are looking full and beautiful. My husband is poking around the garden. I'm laying on the grass throwing a rock for my puppy. My baby Phinny is attacking us and giving raspberries.

Yup, the kid learned a new trick. It cracks me up. Except for the time he gets disoriented and throws some of those brand new, razor sharp teeth of his in the mix.

I love those boys of mine.

Did I miss a deadly sin?

If we're talking about last week, I'm going to have to go with no.

Let's review, shall we?

Wrath - Frack. Who didn't feel the wrath of Mel this week? Co-workers? Check. Crappy drivers? Check. Jared? uh, quadruple check? Check times a billion? Can't stop checking check? Yeah, that last one.

Greed - Is pretending the ice cream is all gone so you don't have to share greedy? What if the person you're lying to is under the age of two? Does that make it worse?

Sloth - Let's not talk about Tuesday.

Pride - This sin hangs out with wrath. If pride gets poked, wrath's got it's back. I keep trying to keep these two on opposite sides of the room but it's hard to keep track when my main focus in life is keeping my eyes open and preventing that monster I live with from swallowing poisonous chemicals.

Lust - Anthropologie shoes. Homes in Dwell. Food on Smitten Kitchen. Let's just sum this one up as pinterest.

Envy - Stay at home mommies. I know envy is awful, maybe the worst one for me right this second. I want it so bad.

Gluttony - We went to Mi Casa Too for dinner. Do you get what I'm saying?

But you know what makes everything better?

Summer rain storms.



Playing twinsie with your baby.




And dresses with polka dots.



It's better to look on the bright side.

All about my new BFF

I love it when I let strange men into my home.

That came out all sorts of wrong but we're going to go with it.

Tuesday a repair man came to work on our front door.

The door was deciding to randomly open and I was deciding to respond with angry, lengthy tirades that would scar my baby for life if he heard.

I try to keep my mommyness on around him but that door was making it difficult. It was going to come down to a fist fight and I'll be the first to tell you I suck at those. Like I tried to punch a guy in the face in highschool and missed by a foot suck. Who misses? Me. So the door was owning me. I needed professional help.

My door repair man had a top ten hit in Sweden two years ago.

"Darling, I found myself divorced with the custody of four kids. 1.6 million dollars in the hole. That's a whole lot to write about."

Yes sir, it is. Is that enough weather stripping?

"Yup, she was the biggest jack mormon this world has ever seen. Ever."

Bet she was. Do you need that drill my baby just wandered off with, cause I'm pretty sure he won't give it back. Are you going to sing? Please don't sing. Are you going back to the store? Don't let him leave Jared, we're paying by the hour.

Phin is going for his razor. Liza's trying to eat Phin's snack. Crap, there's toilet paper on my shoe. Bigger crap. It isn't toilet paper. I think it's a piece of diaper. Triple crap. Why is there a diaper somewhere that isn't whole? Quadruple crap, did the dog knock over the garbage. Crap. Literally.

Clean mess or rock baby? Rock baby. Diapers don't pull your hair out when nap deprived. Or when they're happy. Actually, diapers are pretty good at leaving your head alone. Is that guy still talking about his wife?

I now own his cd and I think I'm invited to a concert. Pardon, showcase. I have to double slam my door for it to stay closed, but stay it does. Whew.

All that's behind me though because I'll be on vacation in a mere 18 hours. Last time I went on vacay I ended up in bed with a whole pizza.

Feeling fancy

Weird things have happened to me this week. Including but not limited to finding myself sitting in a truck with an older gentleman I had met five minutes before while he cried. I should mention I currently needed my bathroom but if was far, far away. Sweating from heat and fear of peeing in an old dude's truck is not hot. Or so said the face of the six packified guy who jogged by shirtless while I looked out the window pleading for help with my eyes.

But more on that later. Or maybe never.

Awkward.

I love summer when I'm not busy complaining about my old house with no ac. I want to celebrate it. I love my husband and my baby too. Basically I'm so full of love my hair should be glowing. There was actually a day where all three of us were in the same house together with no morning agenda. So we had breakfast.

I love breakfast.

Fancy, summer breakfast. Really, there is no better kind. Maybe, maybe fancy autumn breakfast and possibly even fancy winter breakfast. I'll let you know after we try it.

Even though my girlness is currently outnumbered, fun was had by all. Phin wore his jammies which is either disrespectful or incredibly fancy. If you knew my Phinny Phin you would assume the latter.

Jared wanted to wear his, but I made him shower and put on cologne. It was a party after all. I decided it will be an annual tradition. The three of us swore to never let life interfere with fancy breakfast.

Can I get a what what for Saturday?!

Do you want a coherent post that challenges your intellect, is accompanied by brilliant photos and brings you through a range of emotions?

Then go elsewhere my friends. This brain is happily fried. I just had to re write that twice. I kept typing fired. I did that long ago, but the sucker won't evacuate.

I knew it was going to be a good day when I woke up to this.



First- Phinny. Used. The. Potty. And no, when the thing sings a song every time the current user tinkles, the word toilet can't be used. It's a potty. A big boy one. Sure, it may take another year before the little man makes this his way of life, but I'm clinging.

It wasn't the only wonderful thing to happen to this family today. We went out to breakfast and ordered for Phin off the kids menu. Pancakes with Mickey Mouse ears. Do you know how that made me feel? You're about to. It made me feel like a real mom.

I know, you're like "Pushing that baby out, losing sleep for the last year and a half, spending every night trying to coerce a monster to actually eat food rather than dirt and rocks didn't make you feel that way?" And I'm like, "No, that just made me feel tired." What of it.





Then we thought to ourselves, "Hey do you know what would make a pretty good day even closer to perfect? Tahoe." Then we patted ourselves on the back for being so brilliant. I really believe Lake Tahoe is one of the most beautiful places in the world. Jared and I still can't hold our jaws closed when we see some of the views on the drive up. Really, if you haven't been, you must come this way someday. It's a national treasure.

(We don't let Phin sit on the dog. This pic was taken in the very tiny time between him climbing on and Jared pulling him off.)

Definitely one of those days that makes you fall in love with life and summer and your favorite people all over again. Those are the very best kind of days.

Sunday, Monday, Happy Days

I hate when life is too busy to blog.

I lie. Partly.

It's true I hate when I go a couple days between posts. Mostly because my blog is totally passive aggressive when it comes to these things. First it lays down the guilt trip. Then it gives me the silent treatment. Finally it goes to hang out with cooler people and "forgets" to invite me. Honestly, my blog needs to grow up.

I don't mind a full and happy life. Summer is that way. I have family in town, some of my very favorite people. People that might not like me back very much. People that enjoy watching me writhe in pain as I pay to be tortured with them. Who knew you were such a demon Pilates?

Other things too. Classes. Work. Birthdays. Dinners.

Really, I just want to spend every second I can with my beautiful little family. I tripped on a dinosaur in the dining room the other night. How awesome is that? I'm at that brief stage in life where I'm tripping over my little boy's toys. I keep having these moments with that perfect little monster.

Just tonight, when we were out, Jared and I each had one of his hands as we were walking along and swinging him up in the air every few steps. Of course this elicited giggles of ear drumming popping, glass shattering pitch. How lucky are we?

And how can I still be so in love with my husband? How is it so good still? When we were first married we would crowd in our tiny little kitchen, play Sinatra or Ella Fitzgerald and cook together. We still do this. We did just the other night and it makes me feel so lucky to be in my shoes. I love these long, happy summer days.

Oh yeah, oh yeah.

If the title of this post didn't sound exactly like Pauly D in your head, your first grade teacher clearly failed when teaching you to read.

Demand a refund.

Scratch that, the government is totally broke. Instead, soak up my the ray of gloriousness that is Phin's hair.

Our faces are washed out. I'm totally smirking, but our hair is so freaken glam.

That's what happens when you mix sunscreen with baby hair. Baby hair that needs to be cut but Mamma has a hang up and doesn't want to admit that her baby isn't really a baby at all, but a vicious, crazy toddler. Just to clarify.

Beach day was awesome. Did I accidentally flash the entire beach population trying to come up from the water all Baywatch like for Lesco? Yes, yes I did.

Did everyone laugh? No. So I guess me and the beach broke even.

Did Phin scream every time we tried to trick him into his baby flotation device and one point push it out to sea screaming no? Yup.

Did he also enjoy petting every single "Dog dog" and sitting at the edge of the sand throwing sticks for Liza? Yes sir. Phin and the beach, even.

Did Jared float around like a little social butterfly, making friends with the dudes with beer bongs, telling them how awesome being a dad was and showing off his dog? Jared, always winning.

Did the people cheer when we left because my psychotic dog barked every thirteen seconds that passed without a stick being thrown into the lake for her?

If they did we didn't hear them and for that and I think beach day was a total success.

Check out the chick walking on water in the back. Awesome.

Doesn't it look like he's having a blast? He was, dude is like an Olsen twin. He doesn't smile for the camera.

All tuckered out on the way back to the car.

How'd you celebrate the first day of summer?

We hit up Yogurt Beach and hung out in the back yard. Phin is all over the hammock. Literally. Little dude is not allowed on again until he's three. Or tomorrow. Haven't decided yet.



Steve-o stopped by post run and we enjoyed outsideness.


Tomorrow. The Beach.

OH, OH, OH!!!!!!!!

Humans, do you know what tomorrow is??

THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER!!



I really didn't think I was going to make it this time. Really. But here we are.

I don't know what to do first. Rub aloe vera on the sunburn I got today or whine about how terrible the heat is. The options are endless.

Bring it. 1.5 hours til one of the best times of the year. Throw a party.

Also, hope everyone had an awesome Fathers Day. We drove out to the wilderness to surprise my baby Daddy. He's been asking me to make him a rhubarb pie for the last little bit. Little bit being like 9 years or so. So I threw the dude a vegetable. Or is it fruit? Giant bitter celery? And there was no throwing involved. More like string yanking. It was awesome. I think that makes me awesome. Make dope pies, dope babies and carry around a wallet full of bills yo.



Speaking of the bills, used 47 ones at Target today. I know the cashier was thinking "waitress or stripper...waitress or stripper."

Summer wish list yo

The kind of list you can't check off in a store. Well, not all of it anyway. What good is a wish list with out a few expensive, nevergonnahappen things?

Number one
Plenty of nights/days/afternoons/dawns at this place.



Lake Tahoe is one of my very favorite places in the world. THE WORLD. The little towns and cabins, the clear water, the fact that we can run up after work and bbq. Last year was a little hard with Phin. His little face had super powers that attracted every particle of sand in any given square mile. I was convinced he'd be blind by the end of summer. This year he'll just eat it. score.

el numero dos



I don't know how y'all in the south do it with your bugs and humidity and scary hill people. We have little, bitty bugs here and dry evenings with warm breezes. I have lights out in the backyard so now I just need a table so I can eat 100 million meals out there. Each meal will only consist of half a kernel of corn and a nibble of organic lettuce. Gotta watch my calories with that many sittings.

3.
I'll wear this ASOS dress to my dinners and 7-11 trips. Glamming it up.



The last, very least important thing.
I want to inhale as many of these as possible. Ice cream + summer = pure bliss.

pic

I have more on my list bud my bed is calling for me. We really don't see enough of each other and I think it's becoming a little resentful.