Too much me. On a weekend even.

I don't like writing getting to know you posts. You're probably thinking that I'm only saying that because I got nothing. Well you're totally right. This girl is hopped up on Nyquil tonight and watching Gremlins. Much better than it was 20 years ago. I suck at summing myself in ten random facts. I'd like to think a good portion of what I'm all about comes out in the rest of my blog.

Still, if I'm forced to do this (what? you don't think some random blogger fairy got all gangster on me and is holding a  loaded keyboard at my head? Think again.), if I have to do this, I'll give it my best.

So here they are, ten random Mel facts.

1) Big family. This is important because I end up writing something family related every 42 minutes. Luckily most of it doesn't make it up here. Don't want to get dis-invited to Christmas.

2)I'm still scared to sleep alone at night. When I have to I usually have multiple weapons positioned around the room, just in case.

3)I still don't know how to properly apply makeup. No amount of you tube videos can remedy this. This goes for my hair too. It is what it is.

4)I feel like I could win Project Runway is I could sew. And draw. And remember all the fabulous designs I dreamt about the night after I had a root canal.

5)I have never tried Sweet Tea and I never will. It sounds disgusting.

6)I eat Thanksgiving dinner whenever an opportunity presents itself. I live in a town full of casino buffets. The opportunity presents itself plenty.

7)My child is currently walking around gnawing on a whole baguette. I won't stop him because A) he looks cute, kind of French even, and B) this ensures I won't inhale it later.

8)I'm terrible at listening to voicemail. I think my mailbox has been full for a couple of months.

9)I can't decide if my dream house is a giant farmhouse with modern touches on a picturesque property or a loft in the city with a platform bed.  Can't I have both? Or at least one of them? Who do I talk to about getting set up with a trust fund?

10)My husband has the greatest laugh known to man. Lofty claim, I know, but I speak the truth.

As a bonus you should know that no matter how many times I edit a post for grammatical errors I miss something. My brain just has a difficult time catching those things. It's a skimmer. So my bad, in advance yo.

This was completely supervised. For the most part.

Remember that post where I said I can't help but love when Phen gets into trouble? Probably not. No worries, I'm saying it again. I love to see him become his own little person. Not going to lie, I wouldn't miss the shoes flying at my head or pen marks all over out going packages that were left alone no more than twelve seconds. Demon.

But watching him destroy furniture I really, really, really want to replace? I can live with that. 100%. Just need to bulk him up so he can tip that ugly couch. Pass the spinach yo.

Can't help myself.

You won't have to see a single ghost or skeleton for a year after Monday. Humor me.

Why Béla, why?

If I were you I would be thinking, “Sheesh lady, your blog is becoming awfully list-y these days.”  To which I have no reply. Well, except for “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Then I hope you’re overcome with my honesty, give me a little smile, pat me on the back and  tell me how proud you are of the person I’ve become. Or at least look past the bullet points one more time.

Humans, good things come from bullet points. Things like Christmas lists, ingredients for an incredible pie, and the steps you to take catch a criminal. Also, as evidenced below, things I’ve noticed/realized/learned/etc. in the last few days.   

-I've realized I still want to be an Olympic gymnast. Crap. Why haven’t I been working on my round off, back flip, flip flop half twist, front flip full twist back?  Seriously, every time I see a little ad for London 2012 I shake my head knowing I will never train with Béla Károlyi. Damn my genetics and the extra seven inches they gave me. Damn them.

-I learned my child has mastered the up and down jump. Most frequently demonstrated between 8:30 and 8:50 pm when we put him to bed for the night and he protests by displaying his new found skill. Usually coupled with screaming.  Screaming plus jumping, I remember those days. Wait, did I teach him that?

-I found that solid green sweat suits for one year old boys are hard to come by.  Red, blue, grey, brown? No problem. Maybe it’s just that every other mom in the world needs one for a Halloween costume. Maybe the stores aren’t shunning the color green. One can hope. We settled on one covered in kitties and bows. That’s what inside out was invented for sucker.

-I checked my calendar and realized there is only 8 weeks or so til Christmas. Just in case you didn’t already know. 

-Sometimes you get so far behind in watching all the crap you’ve recorded on your dvr you have to delete everything and start over. I’m sorry Joel McHale. I’m sorry Amy Poehler. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to catch up during re run season. Until then, kisses.

-I really do sleep better if I shut all technology off at a reasonable hour and just read before bed. Something about your bed, your nightstand and a good book help your head reconnect with your pillow in a far more meaningful way. Now if I could teach Phin to stop stealing everything I leave by my bed. Such a cute little klepto.

See, that wasn’t so bad. Now to thank you in advance for forgiving me and my lack of cohesive paragraphs, I give you the picture I posted on my resume to Béla. Any insight why I haven’t heard back? Do you think it was the pink ink on my cover letter?

Old emails remind me what a crazy I am.

My email inbox is getting a little out of control. There are many reasons for this but really it comes down to one simple fact, I’m an info hoarder. I love looking back on little correspondences that remind me what was going on in my life right then.

Like the time I was convinced I could become good friends with a fun, neurotic professor on campus. I told Jared I wanted to get to the point where we would walk around campus in the fall eating apples and having deep conversations about independent films and undiscovered authors. I also planned on good campus gossip. Didn’t happen, wasn't even invited to his wedding. Weird. But we did have quite the string of funny email exchanges in 2008. And by funny I mean very, very serious discussions on how to get my bedazzled, flaming baton into the 2012 Olympics. I also tried to hit him up for some connections to the Russian spy circuit. Clearly I didn’t have enough follow through because my unitard with the rhinestone American flag still hangs in my closet and my super deluxe eastern European passport sits lonely in the junk drawer next to a broken glue gun. I can’t even look at apples this time of year without feeling a twinge of regret.

Even better are the exchanges with my long gone work buddy that almost got me in trouble when I tried to find the perfect unicorn in google images. Who knew there would be so many explicit pictures? Never before has a mythical creature led such a double life.  

Best are the little love notes from the husband. Example. “I saved you the last piece of pie. It’s behind the milk.” “Don’t worry about the dishes, I’ll do them when I get home.”  Really though, I have emails from just days after we met. I also have the real thing, handwritten notes he left me tucked away in a wooden box. Lest we forgot I’m a total girl at heart and that’s what we tend to do, save the special little things that remind us.

So tell me, what have you saved? Do you have any real, hand written letters? I'd love a box of them from the people I love to sift through on days I'm feeling small.

Pic source unknown. Is is yours? Tell me.

Nothing makes me happier.

Nothing. Feeling awfully grateful today. You?

Meeting babes, walking dogs, doing weekend

We met the baby. Weeks ago, actually, but last night we hosted a little meet the baby party for my sister in law. I'm a little amazed it all came together. I had the hardest time planning this thing. Work, missing husband, total lack of party planning genius cells. My work was cut out for me.

Thanks to Etsy, my mom and my sis invitations went out. Guess that meant people were coming. 

So we fed them. Fun night. Except for one really awkward conversation. I'm a nervous rambler and one of the guests happened to be just the type that could bring out my very best slash worst rambling. Telling people I barely know my medical history type rambling. Awesome. 

After it was over, I assumed my position on the couch and didn't move. And Phin ended the night totally addicted to pumpkin pie. So dreams were fulfilled. 

Today we remembered fall is one of the best walking times. You knew this, I'm sure. So we took advantage because before you know it we'll be pushing that stroller through snow. Which kind of sucks because I kind of suck when it comes to cold plus physical activity. Yup. Lots of suck. Today though, suck free.

Love, true love.

Lesco and I have been at each other’s throats. Rabid dog style. I think the stress is getting to us. I lie in bed wondering what Dr. Phil would say even though I hate that guy. He would ramble on about he and Robin have never, ever yelled at each other in 580 years of marital bliss. Liar. Jared and I could have ‘em in a screaming match after an hour. It’s a gift. We love watching public couple fights.

So I’ve been thinking about how we fight.

We have done some awful things.

Like the time we were lying in bed and I decided I was going to poke Jared in the side until I annoyed him to death and he gave in. Give in he didn’t. He just took his foot, put it against my side and shoved me right off the bed. Laughter will kill an argument dead. Sometimes.

Speaking of dead.  I’m not sure what this says about as a couple, but one of our commonly used fight enders is, “When we die I’m going to drag you back to this moment so you can see I’m right.” Usually followed by, “Yeah, fine. We’ll see.”

Pretty much the first 5 years of afterlife if going to be spent showing each other exactly who said what, who did the dishes last, who ate the freaken cookie, etc, etc, etc. And don’t think we’re going to forget in 70 years from now when we both keel over. We may not remember who exactly failed to shut the bathroom door, but we’ll remember to check that we were right.

And one more winning move I pull out. 

Jared insists that all guys hate when their significant other chooses the car to talk it out. It makes him feel trapped. Like I plotted we would run out of all things edible the exact day of an argument so that he would be forced to listen to how I feel THE WHOLE FIFTEEN MINUTES it takes to get to the good grocery store. Uh, yeah, he’d be a fool to think otherwise.

Best part of arguing? Making up. Saw that coming, right? It's true. Such a relief to move past annoying your spouse to stealing food of their plate and giving googly eyes. 

Arguing sucks. Fess up humans. What are your bad fighting habits?

Jared gets random gifts from kids.

Kids are drawn to Jared. It’s adorable unless you are in direct competition with him. Which I am, therefore, not adorable. He’s everybody’s favorite uncle, favorite church guy, favorite random dude in a bookstore.

On that last one, yesterday Jared was in a used bookstore in the middle of nowhere when a little girl approached him. He told me he could tell she was very nervous but totally determined to talk to him.

“Excuse me.”

“Oh, hi!”

“Hi. I made this for you.” She handed him a picture with three stick figures.

“Oh, this is great. Who is this?”

“That’s me, Savannah.”

“Oh, and this?”

“That’s my daddy.”

“Very nice, and who’s this?”

“Oh, that’s just a man with a braid.”

Just a man with a braid people, hanging with her and her daddy. He told me he’s bringing the picture home with him today so I can see it for myself. I’m sure it will end up on the fridge where people will ask, “And who’s this one?”

Just a man with a braid. 

This weekend I dedicated zero time to clever post titles, but

-I spent way too much money on ornamental pumpkins. It was necessary.

-I found out that not one, but two humans I know are currently growing babies.

-I double checked just to be sure. I’m not.

-I let Phin play at this little indoor playground in the mall and followed him around like a hawk. I even gave the Moms of the pushy little kids mean eyes until they told their kids what’s what. Then I realized Phin wasn’t bugged and really, as my coworker has pointed out, I was the maladjusted one.

 -I took Phin over the hill to a family party where he charmed his great Grandpa and attempted to destroy some decorative foliage. It was stressful so I allowed him to have more sugar than the entire previous 18 months combined. He thanked me by screaming for 80 of the miles home. Construction miles. Screaming.

-I let him take my phone apart because it’s broken so who cares, right? When I put it back together so he could do it again, it worked. So that game ended quickly.

-My baby sister crashed on my bed in a dress and heels ten minutes after I gave her a dose of Tylenol PM. Wish it did that to me.  I basically forced her into jammies and shoved her on my couch. Phin poked her several times in the middle of the night and she didn’t wake up.

-I tried on my old prom/homecoming court dresses when cleaning out my closet. Not sure why those are in there after moving five times in ten years. I told myself I needed to pack them away or donate them, but instead I just hung them back up. Lazy.

I cuddled that perfect baby of mine way too much last night and accidently fell asleep in his crib. There is no quiet or graceful way for me to climb out of that thing so I woke him up and then we both fell asleep in my bed. He kicked me in the face all night long. Not at all awesome.

Still, a great Mel slash Phin weekend. Love this little life. 

I'm a sucker

For seasonal stuff. Really, put out a shmoopy holiday commercial and I'm all over it. Example? I get excited every time that football or cable commercial comes on where they sing about the joys of football to a Christmas tune. Not even a football fan and I want to run home, put on a jersey, unzip my jeans and open a bag of crappy chips. And swear at people. I don't know why but that commercial makes me want to cuss.

I'm trying to sucker Phin into my psychotic love of all things seasonal. I should be able to successfully brainwash him, I got a hold of him so young. We went on a two hour walk around the neighborhood to ohh and ahh over every pumpkin, ghost and changing tree. Sadly I didn't get pictures of any of my favorite houses. Liza chose those times to have nervous breakdowns about the possibility of a raccoon lurking in the sewer drain. This resulted in me dragging a dog barking so enthusiastically in looked like she was having a freaken seizure while pushing a stroller where my one year old was trying to stand up in so he could be better heard as he yelled "No, no, no Liza. No, no, NOOOOOO, NOOOOOOOOOOO, NOOOOOOOO".  Same time I'm trying to take a picture and be discreet so neighbors don't look out their windows and freak me out when I review my photos at home. So yeah, those ones turned out a little too blurry.

How'd I end up with a toddler? Seriously, I'm asking.

Halloween House

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I've just been busy looking for that bag of eyeballs I lost and lighting candles. I love decorating for holidays. Phin loves trashing those decorations. So I'm swamped cause I'm not about to back down from this fight.

My Grandpa was a college stud. I should have known.

This weekend

-I learned my baby loves a good football game. We took Phin to his first one. It was awesome. I totally envisioned him sticking nacho in someone’s hair, screaming through the whole third quarter, throwing his shoe/cup/spit wad at the mascot but hitting someone with much better seats and other horrible toddler things. Didn’t happen. Somehow all of his clothes stayed on his body and our seat neighbors left unscathed and uncheesed. Which is good because we have season passes so we’re going to see those suckers for five more games.

I think all the commotion overwhelmed him so he was happy to sit on my lap for 3 plus hours and wave at pretty, older chicks. And by older I mean nine to ten. (Don’t think I didn’t catch that Phin. My hawk eyes miss nothing. Nothing.) So we’re going back. Let’s hope the magic that is called sensory overload doesn’t wear off because I plan on getting my fill of stadium food between now and December third.  I salute the cheesy pretzel and ultimate nacho.

-I learned my husband wishes he could play college ball. File this under things about Lesco that really surprise me. Like the time he told me he hopes we own horses someday. And how he wouldn’t mind riding lessons before then. Whaaaa…?

-I learned my Grandpa played college football. Then when he got bored of that he switched to college basketball. Which was considerably less boring in his personal opinion. So I googled him and found some records he set while in a fraternity. Go Grandpa.

-I learned that cookie dough cheesecake bars are the bomb. If you don’t mind diabetic shock. YUMMY!!!

-I did not learn that soup potlucks are also of bomb nature, duh, but I did learn that my stomach has an unusually large soup holding capacity. Could totally turn this into a money making opportunity. Is the circus sideshow employment office open today? Or do they have limited daytime hours?

-I learned that some stores suck. I also learned that this can be beneficial. Jo-Ann fabric was clearancing out all their Halloween and Thanksgiving stuff and throwing Christmas  up on the front shelves. Uh what? I’ll take myself a turkey at 60 percent off but that holiday is still a month and a half away. So while I hate them for rushing through my beloved fall, I love them for giving me a deal on my Halloween party décor. I love you! I hate you! Let’s make out! Logical, right?

-I learned that there is no way to keep silk un-wrinkly on my body for more than three point five minutes unless I stand perfectly still. Which I am incapable of unless I’m in one of those chamber things that puts you to sleep and wakes you up in five hundred years when everyone chooses their body from a catalog and eats dots ice cream. It really is the dessert of the future.

So awesome weekend for me. Ya’all learn anything you want to pass along? Dooo it!

Why I don't mind seeing Christmas decorations in October.

In 2006 I had already been married three whole years. I was only twenty three. My friends were only twenty three. We were so young but like many twenty three year olds we felt much older. Some of us were married. Some of us were finished with college or in grad school. Some had children. Some were traveling the world. We were grown ups. We had life experiences that had aged us. Still, that fall reminded me just how young I really was.

I have written about Kayla once before. It's hard. I don't want to exploit her memory but I don't want to forget. I want the world to think about her. It's hard to believe that five years have passed since she was here everyday.

She told me the very end of July. She sat with Kyle on my couch and asked me how my family was. She listened while I went on about my sister diving into a rock up at the lake that day. Looking back at that night I can't believe how long I rambled on about silly things before I asked her how she was. That's when she told me about the tumor they had found. They were still running tests and didn't know exactly what is was. She was scared. I remember crying with her and hugging. I'm far from a touchy person. The hugging was out of character for me so I remember.

It was brain cancer and the very worst kind. The next few months must have gone by as fast as any four but they exist in my brain as a much longer period. Each time I visited in the hospital there was a line to get in to see her. Seeing the girl who could do anything so drained was... there aren't words. Still, I just assumed she would get better. This was not Kayla's first run in with cancer. When Jared and I were dating she fought a very different form and won. It wasn't until I read an article written about her in a local paper that quoted the survival rate for her type of cancer that I finally got it.

I want to tell you about just one moment. Kayla had moved to Utah to receive better treatment. The weekend before Halloween there was a large fundraiser going on for her in Reno that she couldn't attend. Jared and I went down to visit and distract her. We went window shopping for a wedding dress. We ate lunch downtown at one of her favorite restaurants. We sat under the Christus statue in Temple Square in silence. It was emotional.

As we wandered around downtown we saw men stringing up a giant wreath. I guffawed and said something about how ridiculous is was. How could they start with that still days before November?

“I love it Melanie. I want to see Christmas one more time. I'm glad it's going up now.”

So we stopped and watched them work.

Now every year when I see stores stick Christmas trees up next to Halloween candy displays, I smile. I remember the friend I owe my marriage and my family to. And that's a good feeling.

 

source

We fought then made up. So it's like it never happened.

I’m a little head over heels in love with the two foot monster that stomps around our house. Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I am the parent that will break silence in the office with, “Oh frick humans, you will not believe what my monster did.” Happens two to three hundred times a day. Pretty much I relive his entire previous twelve hours in minute detail at work each day.

Everyone loves it, I’m sure.

The internal “Stay Cool Mel” moniter is beeping like mad by the time four o’clock rolls around, but I can’t stop. I have a problem.

This post is not about how I’m shocked modeling agencies and Mensa haven’t broken down my door trying to get at my Phinny, but seriously, what’s up with that? This is about how Sunday I had brief taste of wanting to lock myself in a dark closet and hold my breath until I passed out.

I’ll admit it’s my fault. I envisioned this perfect Sunday where Phin and I lazed around the house all day in our jammies eating cinnamon rolls and cuddling inbetween naps. I don’t know why I thought my one year old little boy had turned into a twenty eight year old chick for the day. Probably because I’m an idiot. Don’t worry, I was schooled. He quickly reminded me that he was still one and still a little dude. One who’s natural reaction to a sugary cinnamon roll is not to roll over on the couch and zonk out.

Some of my favorite demonstrations of this fact?

Taking my very favorite bowl, one I received when Lesco and I were hitched, out of the cupboard in the three seconds I had the child lock off and smashing it into dust. I can’t glue dust back together. Or the time he bit me so hard it put a hole in my leggings. That was a blast. I’m sure Liza wants you to know about how he threw the tape gun at her. And the cat. He threw the cat at the dog.

One positive, we mastered the word sorry. He sounds so freaken cute it’s distubring. Almost made his pact with Satan worth it. Almost but not really.

We ended the day in his rocking chair where we worked it out. I apologized for yelling like a madwoman when the bite happened. He rubbed my cheek while we rocked. That means I love you in Phin speak. So I think we’re good. 

I think the next fight I'll pick is with my little sis. She and her boyfriend are going on a last minute trip to Paris tomorrow. Paris. Suddenly my groupon for Fresh Mex doesn't seem that great. Oh to be young, in love, child free and have a boyfriend who works for an airline. 

Bon Voyage Renee!

Buy this beautiful pic here.

Stuff I don't want to do.

This post is going to be brief. Basically it's the beginning of a list.

An opposite bucket list.

Totally inspired by the fact that I got to see body juice flying out of two different holes on my brand new nephew the other night in a way I didn't know a five day old body had the power to do. And by see I mean get completely covered in. yay.

Nobody could quit commenting on how they had never seen a baby do that before. I really wish it had stayed that way. So check it, other things I could live without.

1)      Try any food involving brains or blood. No thank you. I prefer not puking up my meal.

2)      Run a marathon. I have no aspirations. Doesn't it take hours? My interest level would totally wear off after 90 minutes. If I can't finish a game of scrabble without wandering off there is no way me and the pavement could hang for 4+. Besides, be kind to your knees, I always say. 

3)      Go to Antartica. Really? Snow? Seen it. Ice? Seen it. Polar Bears? Seen it. Untimely death do to frozen chopper blades? Don’t want to see it.

4)      Swim with dolphins. Do they bite? Or even nibble? Plus I think the whole thing is kind of sad. I don’t even want to take my kid to Marine World because the place is so depressing. Now if it just spontaneously happened if some exotic locale and wasn’t a paid for/dolphins are placed there kind of thing, that would be really cool.

5)      Meet my favorite celebrity crush. If I can't make out Michael C Hall or Ryan Gosling upon meeting what's the point? Just a handshake might be more depressing than the freaking dolphins.

And just because I can't believe this was a week ago in just a few hours, another picture of something that I didn't even know was on my bucket list. Here's big brother meeting little brother.