Want to know what you should do?

There are a million things I should be doing right now but because it is literally impossible to ever complete a list that large, I'll do the one thing I shouldn't.

Have you ever had a double date day? Things that start with the word double tend to be good. Double scoop. Double Dare. Double precision floating-point format. (whaaaaat google???)
Just go with me.

Add double date day to the list homies. On double date day your husband takes you out to eat because the babe is at daycare. Why? Because you two are still all awesome and in love. Maybe you don't believe me after yesterday's post.

Don't worry. We are.

Then you go home and take a glorious nap while your significant other goes to pick up the babe. This particular day I felt like complete crap. Feeling poorly is not going to stop me from enjoying some time with Lesco. I only see him for 25% of the summer. This is highly unsatisfying. Highly.

That night your awesome sis comes to watch a monster. Really, you're giving her the gift. Just make sure you remind her of that a hundred or so times. She loves that.

We saw Midnight in Paris. Was is so good I called my real estate agent, put my house on the market and bought the French version of Rosetta Stone?

Oui.

Dates, kids or not, are essential stuff.

Go see this movie friends.

A lot of crimes committed in our house today

One of us made a really big purchase without consulting the other.
One of us said a really bad curse word in response.
One of us got a bloody nose. Not related to the above occurrence.
One of use bought an expensive toy in retaliation of the first offense.
One of us turned our phone off so the other couldn't call.
One of us smacked our mom in the face. At least six times.
Two of us cried when we looked at our bank account.
One of us laughed.

Yup. One of those days.

Kind of want to trade places with this guy.

Did you sleep with a knee jammed in your throat?

No? Maybe you forgot it happened. Maybe your husband took a picture for posterity's sake. It probably looked something like this.



Doesn't sound familiar? Dang. Than you probably slept better than me.

Are you doing the challenge? Tears flowing cause I am.

Have you heard of the 100 Day Real Food Challenge? Probably.

I'm jumping on the bandwagon.

side note - I just googled bandwagon. Literally a wagon that would carry band members to various events. Why were random humans allowed to jump on these wagons? weirdos.

I told myself, "Mel, this will be a breeze. You are a food rockstar. You are the embodiment of health. Except when you're at work. But you'll get through that. Easy peasy girlfriend."

Do you lie to yourself? Yeah, well I do.

Some history. I knew I was a grown up the first time I grocery shopped for my very own apartment and was able to buy whatever cereal I wanted. Hello Lucky Charms. I love you Smacks. We should take professional pics together Kix. We had a special thing going. Cereal does not equal real food. I don't get it. I never feel better than when I'm alone with a bowl of General Mills produced happiness.

I also had to say peace out to my Wheat Thins and throw away my marshmallows. Tough stuff.

Because I'm still a grown up and can still make my own rules, I'm going to give my self 10 or 15 passes. Haven't decided on an exact number yet. I can cash them in if Jared decides he wants to sweep me off my feet and take me to a yummy restaurant or if I need, NEED, Chinese one night.

Day one we kept it simple. I think that's the whole point but whatevs. Kebabs it was.
Turns out we have no skewers. Mr. Internet told me that a good alternative was to soak thyme in water for ten minutes and string it up. Perfect. The 20 square feet of thyme Jared planted in our front yard is finally good for something.



Have you always wanted to try an awkward pose with woody herbs and raw chicken but didn't know if it was worth it? Tried it. It is. You're welcome.



Served over wild rice and bam, food genius.


We used this recipe.


Did I mention warm donuts show up like magic every week in my office, sometimes twice? Every single week.

Offending the powers that be

I think heavenly forces are punishing me.

I haven't been to church in weeks.
Maybe I've accidently dropped a curse word in front of Phin.
I cut someone off on the way to work and I didn't give the wave to someone who did let me in.
I've been pretty snappy to, well, everyone. (Sorry random cashier at Trader Joes. Really, it's me, not you.)

The air conditioning is out in our office. One of our student just asked me if this is what menopause feels like.

This must be hell.

Oh yeah, oh yeah.

If the title of this post didn't sound exactly like Pauly D in your head, your first grade teacher clearly failed when teaching you to read.

Demand a refund.

Scratch that, the government is totally broke. Instead, soak up my the ray of gloriousness that is Phin's hair.

Our faces are washed out. I'm totally smirking, but our hair is so freaken glam.

That's what happens when you mix sunscreen with baby hair. Baby hair that needs to be cut but Mamma has a hang up and doesn't want to admit that her baby isn't really a baby at all, but a vicious, crazy toddler. Just to clarify.

Beach day was awesome. Did I accidentally flash the entire beach population trying to come up from the water all Baywatch like for Lesco? Yes, yes I did.

Did everyone laugh? No. So I guess me and the beach broke even.

Did Phin scream every time we tried to trick him into his baby flotation device and one point push it out to sea screaming no? Yup.

Did he also enjoy petting every single "Dog dog" and sitting at the edge of the sand throwing sticks for Liza? Yes sir. Phin and the beach, even.

Did Jared float around like a little social butterfly, making friends with the dudes with beer bongs, telling them how awesome being a dad was and showing off his dog? Jared, always winning.

Did the people cheer when we left because my psychotic dog barked every thirteen seconds that passed without a stick being thrown into the lake for her?

If they did we didn't hear them and for that and I think beach day was a total success.

Check out the chick walking on water in the back. Awesome.

Doesn't it look like he's having a blast? He was, dude is like an Olsen twin. He doesn't smile for the camera.

All tuckered out on the way back to the car.

How'd you celebrate the first day of summer?

We hit up Yogurt Beach and hung out in the back yard. Phin is all over the hammock. Literally. Little dude is not allowed on again until he's three. Or tomorrow. Haven't decided yet.



Steve-o stopped by post run and we enjoyed outsideness.


Tomorrow. The Beach.

OH, OH, OH!!!!!!!!

Humans, do you know what tomorrow is??

THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER!!



I really didn't think I was going to make it this time. Really. But here we are.

I don't know what to do first. Rub aloe vera on the sunburn I got today or whine about how terrible the heat is. The options are endless.

Bring it. 1.5 hours til one of the best times of the year. Throw a party.

Also, hope everyone had an awesome Fathers Day. We drove out to the wilderness to surprise my baby Daddy. He's been asking me to make him a rhubarb pie for the last little bit. Little bit being like 9 years or so. So I threw the dude a vegetable. Or is it fruit? Giant bitter celery? And there was no throwing involved. More like string yanking. It was awesome. I think that makes me awesome. Make dope pies, dope babies and carry around a wallet full of bills yo.



Speaking of the bills, used 47 ones at Target today. I know the cashier was thinking "waitress or stripper...waitress or stripper."

About the Dads

Dear Phinny phin phin,

The day after tomorrow is a very special day. It's the day we recognize all the Daddies in our lives.

I have always considered myself a lucky girl because my dad, your grandpa, is pretty amazing. He never watched any sports games after work or went off to play golf with his friends on weekends. Instead he would load his wife, all five of his kids and a mish mash of their friends into his car and drive them out to explore ruins or bbq or go swimming.

True, he got his family stuck on a railroad track a time or two, dragged his kids to a Satanic worship site after midnight and tied your Auntie to the roof of the car once because she was too small to stand on the bumper with the rest of us, but that's what makes him fantastic. After all, Grandpa's motto is "A family that breaks and enters together, does time together." Yup, that has led to some pretty great times.

You can ask your Grandpa any question and if he doesn't know the answer he could figure it out. He's incredibly smart and that might be where you get some of your genius from. Oh, you didn't know you were a genius? Grandpa tells you that you are almost every time he sees you. Open your ears lad!

I have no doubt that you will have many great adventures with Grandpa. I have. I plan on having more. Don't hog him.



Monster, you are lucky too. I'm sure you know by now that your Daddy is completely smitten with you. Before you were born he was a little worried that he wouldn't connect with you as a newborn. He had nothing to worry about. I didn't even get to change a diaper for the first few weeks of your life because he wanted to do everything for you. You've always had a hard time sleeping and your Daddy was happy to take you on a million late night walks to calm you down.

You have your daddy wrapped around your chubby little fingers, so please be careful with that power. Let him read you a thousand books before bed. When he hoists you up on his shoulders for the thousandth time, laugh! Pee on him all you want, he doesn't mind nearly as much as I do. Squirt him with your bath toys, help him mow the lawn, enjoy your walks to 7-11 for bananas. When you're older he will teach you to use tools and show you how to build things. I'm sure you two will scare me with crazy adventures. You can ask his advice on chicks, but Daddy is a little sketchy in that area, might want to come see me. Scratch that, your Daddy really knows how to make a girl swoon.

Yay for Daddies Phin! Yay for little boys that grow up right.

Love, Your Mama (Daddy's other best friend.)

Summer wish list yo

The kind of list you can't check off in a store. Well, not all of it anyway. What good is a wish list with out a few expensive, nevergonnahappen things?

Number one
Plenty of nights/days/afternoons/dawns at this place.



Lake Tahoe is one of my very favorite places in the world. THE WORLD. The little towns and cabins, the clear water, the fact that we can run up after work and bbq. Last year was a little hard with Phin. His little face had super powers that attracted every particle of sand in any given square mile. I was convinced he'd be blind by the end of summer. This year he'll just eat it. score.

el numero dos



I don't know how y'all in the south do it with your bugs and humidity and scary hill people. We have little, bitty bugs here and dry evenings with warm breezes. I have lights out in the backyard so now I just need a table so I can eat 100 million meals out there. Each meal will only consist of half a kernel of corn and a nibble of organic lettuce. Gotta watch my calories with that many sittings.

3.
I'll wear this ASOS dress to my dinners and 7-11 trips. Glamming it up.



The last, very least important thing.
I want to inhale as many of these as possible. Ice cream + summer = pure bliss.

pic

I have more on my list bud my bed is calling for me. We really don't see enough of each other and I think it's becoming a little resentful.

Could be worse, right?

Sometimes the universe sees an opportunity to make you eat your words and it's like, "Yeah, I'm all over that." Freaken universe.

When Jared and I were first married we saw something. Something we still can not get out of our little heads eight years later.

"Mel, don't be obvious, but look to your left."
"I don't see anyth...holy crap is he eating his Mom's hair?"
"Look away, look away, she's looking!"
"He's like, nine!"
"Ten, I think he's ten. He has half her ponytail in his mouth."
"Is he gagging?"
"I can't stop staring. Why is she letting him do that?"



Confession, I have a hair eater. I can't stand it. I can not keep my hair out of his little mouth. If he's not eating it he yanking it out. I'm ready to go all Britney and shave it off.

I'm going to keep my Mommy judgements to myself from now.

Babe is lucky I'm a sucker for those big brown eyes.

Summer time, whoop!

When my man abandons me all is not right with the world. So if y'all have been feeling like everything is a bit off lately, my bad. No, J's bad. Don't worry, Lesco's boss knows he's in deep. Sent me flowers and everything. I'm not bought off that easily. If it's not edible next time, it's going back.

There are a few things making me happy enough not to set things on fire. It's summer. Things are growing. I'm a total season chick and right now I can't get enough of all things outdoors. We are five seconds from Tahoe but it hasn't been quite been warm enough to justify the jump into 35 degree water so sprinklers and mini pools it is for us.

Yay summer! Yay for a cute baby I adore! Yay for husbands slash best friends! Yay life!

These are not the boss flowers. Sister and husband birthday blooms.

I used to think that I would never, ever be one of the people who cared about getting older, but I care. I just want to freeze time. It's all going by so fast.

The death of my youth will not stop me from enjoying a birthday. I just had one and it was pretty great. Maybe more than that. Maybe it was one of the best birthdays ever.

Beautiful birthday flowers. Giant meatballs. Homemade gifts from the heart. Thoughtful chocolates from my dad. Stripper money.

One of these things is not like the other.

Lesco spent two hours taping one dollar bills together for me to pull out of a box. Wanted to send me on a little shopping trip but a gift card just won't cut it for my Lesco.



I'm not sure if I want to take those ones to Forever 21 or the bank. Who do you think will judge me less?

My sister thinks I need to be cleaner in the kitchen. I do and now I'm going to look all fashionista while I do it.



I hope these boys grow up best friends. Right now Phin is just the super adorable, genius of a third wheel. It'll change. I hope.



That little boy makes getting older worth it. My handsome, best friend who's along for the ride makes it worth it. Everyday I pinch myself.

You ever see a baking disaster this bad?

Usually I'm a pretty handy girl in the kitchen. I can follow a recipe.

It was my birthday on Monday so I made myself a cake. Problem was, Jared was out of town and Phin was/is teething. My favorite little human ever doesn't do so well with the freeing of the teeth ritual so he has to be held pretty much non stop in the evenings. Baking a cake and soothing a babe (really I guess a toddler but you can't get me to go there) kind of go together like best friends but the exact opposite.

Here's what I was going for.




aaannnd here's what I ended up with.



My co worker compared it to a melted candle. See the fork? Yup, it was delicious.

On the reading list

source

I'm such a seasonal reader.


Any Nathaniel Hawthorne book = Fall. Words are soupy and thick and go well with tea.

Great Gatsby/Tree grows in Brooklyn = Summer. Duh

Dickens = Winter, specifically Christmas. Sorry Dickens, you only wrote two Christmasish books but you're stuck there for me.

Secret Garden/Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe = Spring

Well this summer I'm bucking my own completelymadeup/makesnosense system and reading whatever I want. Try and stop me OCD.

Summer reading list

The Help Pretty sure I'm one of the last people on the planet to read this. Exciting.

The Psychopath Test
Just cause I have to know.

Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain Neurologic proof that my inability to keep a secret is the product of an internal, biological war? Yes, please and thankyou.

There's more where that came from. Anyone have a suggestion??

Not the monster I know

Dear Monster,

Right this very second you are laying in my lap watching me type. What you say? Reading this back you might not believe it. Wasn't I trying to pour milk on the power supply? Or smash the screen with a hairbrush? Or pounding out weird combinations on the keyboard that can only be direct communications with Satan?

Good question monster, but nope. You are under the weather and quite sweet and cuddly. Yesterday was better for you. We had a pretty close to perfect day with the exception of a missing Daddy. You are tuning in to your inner genius and saying all sorts on new words like Grandpa, stuck (very useful for you these days) and love you.

I even tricked you into eating vegetables yesterday you little carbavore. Do you remember those sunshiney days where you would eat anything I put in front of you? You know, the days filled with talking flowers and all those Mr Rogers sweaters?

Those days are over. So yesterday I made you cornbread muffins. Except I hid spinach and carrots, banana and blueberries inside. Tons. TONS! And they were delish. Like I might have had two for breakfast and want another good. So haha, in your bread and pasta lovin face!

You happen to love dancing with Mommy and Daddy so we do a lot. I hope when you grow up you remember dancing with Mama in the big blue kitchen. I will.

Love, Your Mama

/>

/>

no words....cause I can't think of real ones

Dudes. Seriously. Today was long.

There is laundry on my floor, loads and loads.
Pots and pans in my bathtub cause Phin was like "Mom, two birds, one stone."
Croutons in my tum cause making myself dinner sounded just like the hardest thing ever.

Highlights of the day

-the gourmet grilled cheese truck that came to my office parking lot
-My baby continuing to be the greatest gift to mankind. Stop sending presents and gold people, we're running out of places to store it all.

No energy to blog, so instead just a picture. I may look like a tired boy of foreign heritage, but it's with one of my favorite people and I told her I would post it for the world to soak in. Careful, steam might rise from your screen.