Because I feel like I have to say something even if I don't know what.

I don’t want to blog again without talking about what happened in the world but I don’t know what to say. Of course there aren’t any words that are big enough to convey sorrow to these families. So much was lost that day. I have deleted nearly every sentence I have typed. Over and over. What can we say?

You stare at your babies and feel grateful and guilty and wonder how you ever let life’s stupid, petty issues bug you. Then you feel even more guilt because why are you bringing this back to yourself? If I were one of the parents I’m sure I would be the crazy person screaming that I didn't want memorials or stupid blog posts about kindness or stupid poems about heaven. That my child didn't live and die so someone else could be a better person. That my child was a whole person that had a whole life and I would much prefer if they were here, being unnoticed and uninspiring and just living.

I don’t know. None of it makes any sense. Evil, illness or even random, awful accidents. It just doesn't make any sense.