10 signs of the impending holiday

Christmas is almost here humans. I provide pictorial evidence.

Tree is up, decorated and currently there are no ornaments in the bathtub. Bam.

Snowflakes are hung and and Phin only tried to eat the scissors once twice. But I retrieved them super fast with mad skills that make the dudes in the Matrix look like the 3g. Dudes, I'm the 4s.

I don't care if there are teeth marks in 3 out of 5 candles. That's a classy candelabra. It makes me feel like I should be lighting candles on my tree and making plum pudding. Clearly I'm wearing velvet in this scenario.

Nativity moved up three feet this year for safety reasons. We want Joseph to make it. And hey, if you send me a nativity card, it'll go up on the wall. I love and save them forever ever. Forever ever? Forever ever. I hope that song is in your head til New Years.

Just to stay on that theme, Phin's set isn't doing nearly as well. All we have left is a cow, a couple of birds on a stack of hay, one wise man, one shepherd and Joseph. Last time I saw Mary she was taking a bath in the dog's water. We must reunite this family in the next week. If anyone has seen a plastic baby with a halo.....

We're all about garland in this house. Every season, new garland. This one is a total fire hazard. Note to the masses, avoid buying fresh garland in November. Misting doesn't help, it just screws your paint job.

I have done zero baking so far. Luckily my husband rocks at everything. Like baking cookies and building fences. He also starts businesses and puts a baby to bed like a boss. Jealous? Me too. I suck. Which technically makes him the sucker for marrying me. So haha Jared, I win.

The Avon mouse calendar. 1987. Had one growing up and still have to fight Jared every day to move it. Real mature Lesco. I know you read this. Sadly I'm losing the battle, but the day changes in 28 minutes and guess who's still up. 8 up yo.

Poinsettias are out but I have mixed feelings. I freaken hate these plants. What are you supposed to do with them after Christmas? They aren't the kind of plant you leave out all year and they refuse to die. I had one live for two years. I hated it with an unnatural passion. I had to go on vacation and leave my sister in charge of my plants to finally be done with the thing. Thank you for having the blackest of thumbs little sis.

Stocking is hung. Ready to be filled. Hear that Santa? I'm so not like those pissy Best Buy moms. Do your best work, I have no desire to compete.

+ Linking with E but I can't get the friggen button to work.