The haunted house I live in.

I'm a hundred percent convinced my house is haunted. By Howard.

Howard is the previous inhabitant of the home. The one that died here. Not anything crazy, pretty sure he was just really old. We found out while we were looking at the house but it didn't bother us. Really old people pass away all the time and for the most part it's a pretty natural thing.

Thing is, I don't think Howard likes the way we talk about him. He did some pretty random things to this home, like adhere mismatched floorboards to the wall with masking tape. Run wires from one room to another for no reason. Leave business cards lying around, bright orange ones, with just his name and no contact info. What good is that Howard?

When we find these things we mutter “Oh Howard!” Kind of.

It comes out more like, “What was up with that freaken weirdo?” Or “What the F was wrong with Howard?” Or “Do you think Howard just hung out in the basement and looked at porn all day?” No. We don't think that. He was too busy painting the bathtub. Tub, not room. Yeah.

So I think Howard is pissed. I think he feels he should get a little more respect.

I can list the ways he isn't going to get it.

-By making Phin's “sing when you pee” toilet go off at three in the morning. Keep your freaking ghost urine out of my babe's toilet you perv. Use the big potty or stop the liquids after 7pm.

-By turning the heat down to negative thirty degrees after we go to bed. If Phin wakes up screaming because he's cold one more time I'm going to get an exorcist up in here. Not just the annoying Syfy channel one with the annoying haircut. Big, scary priest. Capisce?

-By moving the mouse on my advent calendar before I wake up. Jared is trying to take credit for that, but I know he would never, ever take that away from me. He's taking heat for the ghost.

There's more, but because Howard messed with my alarm.....