Dear Monster,
My family has long had a love affair with all things edible. However, you do not seem to know exactly what that word means. Because of this, I feel that it is my duty as your mother to make you a list of things you should not eat.
Let's start with the dog. Stop trying to eat my puppy. Not edible or very clean these days. We like her, she keeps the cat (also not food) in line and frankly she's a much better sleeper than you are.
The bows on the Christmas presents. Shiny = fun. Shiny does not = delicious. It might mean interesting diapers. It might mean silly pictures. It does not mean a healthy digestive track.
My hair. I like it on my head. Go after Daddy all you like, he deserves it. I think he might go bald someday anyway. Sorry Lesco.
Anything electric. So far we've been able to avoid this but the way you're scrabbling these days we might have to switch to candlelight and battery operated lamps. I have a tendency to catch my arm hair on fire whenever I fiddle with matches so can you just give up on this one? That burnt hair smell sticks around forever.
Dirt. That's just...unhygienic.
Also, the bathtub, grocery carts, your Vovo, our couches and the aquarium at the pediatrician's office. And the pediatrician. Thanks little one!
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