monster

Little Monster,

Your Mommy is a bit of a wuss so today was a scary day for her. You had tubes put in your tiny monster ears. You have basically had an ear infection since the end of July. You have been on antibiotics five times and slept for approximately 42 minutes in the last five months. Even for a monster, that just sucks.

I love you. I love rocking your little monster body to sleep each night. Once or twice or even three times is ok. Anything above that and we start to enter “Mommy wants to stick her head in the freezer until her ear drums go numb” territory. But still worse was that fact that my monster was not growling out of pure furry fun, you were like a lion with a thorn in your paw. One that couldn't hear.

I did not like the idea of an anesthesiologist putting my tiny monster out. I did not like the idea of holes is your little monster eardrums. I did not like the idea of restrictions on any deep sea diving or water slides for the next year, but it was necessary.

You see monster, over the last nine months I have had exactly zero nights where I have slept all the way through. I have had many, many nights where your daddy was out of town and I had to work the next day and I was awake cradling a screaming baby all. night. long.

Your daddy and I were once bestest buds. Long term sleep deprivation is a terrible thing little babe. One false move on you dads part the last few months and he might have been looking at a fatal paper cut. Or a diaper in his face. Or I might have run away to Bangkok with the nice waiter from the restaurant down the street and done foreign, exotic Thai things while your daddy got some quality monster time.

I don't know if this will help you sleep, but it will help you hear. It will stop the pain. I will feel less guilty if I turn up Gossip Girl if you wake up 20 minutes after I lay you down so I can drown you out with Chuck Bass for five minutes before I go rescue you. Or maybe I'll still come grab you right away because you're my favorite cuddle partner and I think you have a crush on Leighton Meester.



Jared is not a very patient wait room person.