Feeling a little sentimental

One year ago I went back to work. I cried until I hyperventilated. I cursed my boss's boss for ruining my plans to go part time. I cursed my husband for not having oodles and oodles of money. I cursed myself for not having some brilliant idea that made me a millionaire before my 25th birthday. I started each day crying and usually ended it the same. Didn't help that Jared was out of town much of the latter half of last year.

Everyone told me that it would get easier. That on some days, going to work would seem like a break. I've had exactly one of those days. In a year. It isn't that I have the world's easiest baby. Anyone remember the ear infections that lasted six months? It isn't even that I hate my job. I actually really enjoy my coworkers and the programs we work with. It isn't that I grew up with the dream of having babies and staying home with them. In fact, I didn't even want children for the first several years of marriage.

But I changed my mind. The second I saw that teeny, tiny, skinny little baby I completely changed my mind. I want to spend our days together. It won't be this way forever. He is already a year. Less than four more and he'll be starting kindergarten. After that, it's never the same. He will never be the little boy who needs two naps a day and has to be rocked before bed. Why waste such a tiny, precious second in our history at an office where I annoy people with my lack of interest and dedication?

Staying home. It's not for everyone. It's not forever. It is what I really, really want for right now. I don't want to look back at these years full of sadness. So if anyone out there is wondering what my biggest goal is right now, it's getting to that place. Then I will only covet little things. Like expensive shoes, private islands and humans with superior genetics. You know, the kind that star in shiny hair commercials, don't compulsively eat rainbow chip frosting and get into med school. On a whim. But even those people don't have a Phinny.