A new low at work

Was there a guy in your high school that all the girls swooned over? Yeah, ours too. You can call me a total liar, but the guy featured in today's entry was never my type. I always went for the brooding, pierced guys that were too old to go to prom with me. Ohhhh, dangerous. "I love your five lip rings, want my number?" Yeah, try making out with that.

Dude was cute, but had too much sun and not enough body art for me.

Fast forward ten years. You should know it was downright painful for me to write that. Fast forward one whole decade.

It's lunch. I'm home. My laptop is open. This is the part where I see one of my friends from facebook is now following me on Pinterest, so I check out her boards. There he is, high school dude. My new follower is also following him. So I click on the guy and "Whoa, look at those sleek map pillows. Those would be awesome in Phin's room. Crap. Did I just click follow?"

Unfollow, unfollow! Do they automatically send an email? Will that have my name? Why didn't I take Jared's last name? Maybe dude won't remember who I am and think I'm just some random Pinterest human.

Then I took a breath. Sure no one likes to be caught internet stalking. It's like pooping right? We all do it but prefer no one catch us. I console myself with the fact that I haven't seen the guy in at least 5+ years and it will probably be another five until I run into him. Hopefully by then we'll both be fat and won't recognize each other.

Fast forward thirty minutes. Did that give you whiplash?

Half and hour later and I'm at my desk when I see a guy walk into the office across the hall. Not just a guy, it's the guy. I swear the universe thinks it's pretty freaking hilarious. Except, I'm not 100% convinced it's him. So I consult my co-worker. Lucky for us the office across the hall has plenty of windows to stare right through.

"R, I swear I was talking about that dude with my husband half an hour ago and I haven't seen him in at least five years." Talking about sounds so much better than stalking.
"Really?"
"I think.. I don't know. Let me pull him up on facebook. Do you think this is the same guy?" We look at the screen. We look at the guy. We look at the screen.

"I don't know, that guy on facebook looks like he's wearing makeup.." He does. Maybe it was an art thing.

At this point I'm eighty percent convinced it's the guy. I go to fill my water bottle so I can do a walk by and get a closer look. He's facing the wrong way. But I do see enough to notice he's rocking longer bangs than mine. Interesting.

We wait it out. He's turning towards the door, sure looks like him. He comes through. He smiles. He waves.

Ding! Ding! Ding! R give me a look. I give a half wave and do faux chit chat with a co worker to make it look like we weren't staring at him for the last eight minutes and comparing him to a bad facebook pic.

You should know a little bit about our office. We have two doors near my desk. One goes down the stairs, the other into a little lobby with the elevator.

He goes down the stairs.

"David you should totally have a double-decker cake.....R, did you see the wave?! It's him. I knew it! Knew it! Did you see his hair?!" I also said some other things. Things I'm too embarrassed to admit. Know it's humiliating.

And here's where R points to the lobby of the elevator and mouths, "He's still here!" What able bodied 28 your old guy doesn't take the stairs?

I did what any logical person would do. I collapsed under my desk. Laughing and crying and I'm not going to admit it out loud but maybe peeing a little bit. I'm just glad I didn't say what I almost said cause it could have been even worse. It would have been Meet the Fockers kind of cringe bad.

I don't know why it was so funny. Maybe I'm still a little sick. Maybe I'm just punch drunk and it's Friday afternoon. Either way, my boss didn't even blink an eye while I laid under my desk crying. Perhaps that's an indication of exactly what kind of employee I am. Maybe that's what should embarrass me...

Happy three day weekend all!

Oh and just for reference, here's the celeb I was drooling over in 2001. You?