The problems with today

It’s true, negative posts can be such a downer. But like I always say, a good friend will come to the hospital after your skateboarding accident, throw back the hospital curtain and go into hysterics before even saying hello. Then tell you that you look like Quasimodo. Just so you, I was the hunchback.

Today-

-I woke up remembering how Tom Brady and the Patriots ruined my chances of winning my fantasy football matchup. By ONE POINT! Don’t judge.

-My babe was so clingy, I couldn’t pee without holding him. Then he decided to seal the deal by letting his intestines explode. Yes.

-My hair decided to channel Edward Scissor Hands. That’s not the way I envisioned getting close to Johnny Depp.

-In keeping with the I’m feeling super hot theme, it’s one of those days that have people guessing, “Is she?” She isn’t. Tumor people. Tumor.

-My living room looks like this. Baby paradise. Mama nightmare.

-Jared didn’t leave me a single enchilada for lunch. Whaaaa…??? I thought he loved me. I thought we a had history. The kind where he was aware with my deep obsession with food. He should send me one of those cookie bouquets to make up for it.

I am stoked Whole Foods showed up on Living Social. And the weather is taking a nose dive, which is A OK with this senorita. So look, I can be positive.