Fall
is officially here. Whoot. This is a bigger relief to me than you
because your husband hasn't been knocking your autumn decor for the
last 22 days.
Anyway, we've all been inundated with everyone's odes to this fabulous season since September rolled around.
We've heard about how they can't wait to swallow whole pumpkins with spice sticks shoved in them. We get that they want to watch every single football game, even if it means losing their job, losing their spouse, losing their grasp of reality. We know they want to frolic in golden fall rays while wearing Frye boots and twirling in traditional autumn fairy fashion.
Me too.
But this is my list of do nots. Believe me, I have your safety in mind.
Number one. Don't jump in the leaves. I know it's tempting. There you are walking through the park or your yard and you see it, a giant pile of glistening fall gold. Let me tell you what it really is. A nest of terrorists. I mean spiders. A nest of disgusting eight legged insects just waiting for some fall sap to jump into their trap so they can crawl up into your hair and lay little fall babies. Yuck. Pass.
Number two- Pumpkin Spice Frappucino. If you're going to get one, you're probably going to get a grande. And if you're human, you're probably going to to get whipped cream. This means you're going to get 69 grams of sugar. Don't do it. It's all about moderation people. Do you want a stupid drink that will fill you up for three hours until you need your next fix? Wouldn't you rather buy one of those giant Halloween bags of mixed candy and snack on mini snickers and musketeers all day long? If your answer is “No, give me the drink” you suck. I don't share straws but I will totally steal some of your individually wrapped candy. Think of me.
Number three- Don't put a scarecrow in your yard. Those things freak me out. Can't we just live without them?
Ok, go forth and ignore me fall lovers. Enjoy it. Enjoy your weekend. Enjoy your fatty drinks and freaky decorations. Enjoy your bug infested heads. But don't say I didn't warn you.
Haha! I love this! I always hated jumping in leaves as a kid. They were just itchy.
ReplyDeleteI love Starbucks. But I can't wrap my mind around a pumpkin latte. It sounds disgusting. I'll wait for the Christmas flavors.
I've never carved a pumpkin.
Scarecrows ARE weird.
Samantha - Never carved a pumpkin?? That's a total do! Sure it's slimy and time consuming but it's worth it. It will look so cool for three days before it rots or some kid comes along and throws is at your house. Dooo it!
ReplyDeleteHA HA HA HA HA! Love this post! I once jumped in leaves and there was a huge "hole" under them and almost killed myself (and by that I mean broke my ankle!) ... never... again...
ReplyDeleteHave a great weekend! :)
Hey you!! I got that silver pumpkin at TJ Maxx! :)
ReplyDeleteWhy can't I have my pumpkin spiced frappucino and eat Mini-Snickers too? ;)
ReplyDeleteHave a great weekend!
Pumpkin Spiced Frappucino, people sell those? OK I love the Fall, but I agree with your don'ts.
ReplyDeleteBy the way had to share the print from Maja in your previous post - it is so beautiful. And you say you don't like the Fall...
www.noaslibellule.blogspot.com
@Stephanie - Broken bones + spiders?? Why do people let their kids near these death traps?? Don't judge me when I have pics of Phin in a pile next week.
ReplyDelete@Jenni - Yay! Thanks!
@Alex- Sometimes my silly brain doesn't see the most obvious solution. Both! Duh!
@Noas- I love Fall!! It's my favorite season other than Christmas. Don't try to tell me Christmas isn't a season. I refuse to believe March and December live in the same equinox.
Hello Lovely! I was just stopping by to say thanks for commenting on my blog a few weeks ago. You probably don't even remember but you commented on a post I wrote about being 'thankful' and I just really appreciated that you took the time to comment :)
ReplyDeleteANYWAY. This blog post is hiiiilarious. I wasn't sure where you were going with the pile of leaves thing but when you wrote about spiders being "terrorists" it absolutely tickled my funny bone. A lot. Oh and scarecrows are the WORST. Every year the small town I live in does this stupid festival where tons of people make scarecrows and then they attach the scarecrows to all of the light posts on Main Street. I'm sure you can imagine how alarming it is. I think it's the silliest idea ever and a little bit ironic too because scarecrows are supposed to scare things away...right? Anyway, last year my little sister and I decided to try to redeem the scarecrow thing so we dressed up as scarecrows to see if anyone would notice and it was quite fun. If you care to read about it because it was awesome, I blogged about it here:
http://showthewonder.blogspot.com/2010/10/we-were-scarecrows_7253.html
But I'm seriously not commenting on this just to make you go back to my blog. If you don't read it I promise I don't care I just think you might find it entertaining :)
Nice to bloggy "meet" you! Thanks for the laugh tonight!
Hahahhahahhahahaa! You are funny! Your imagination is infinite sister!
ReplyDeleteMan, and I was SO looking forward to jumping in a pile of leaves! Thanks for the warning though. :)
ReplyDeletehahahaha, i have NEVER jumped into a pile of leaves because i know there are a bugs in there. and I just don't do bugs.
ReplyDeletei only like the smell of pumpkin spice ... but i don't like to taste it ... so another point for me!
oh wait, i get another point because a scarecrow will never be caught dead around me.
i guess, i didn't need your warnings, hehe :)
Oh you just ruined it for me...I love the crunching sound of leaves and you may have called me out on the pumpkin frap...that's a lot of sugar!!
ReplyDelete